all day coffee
weekly humor and satire - g. xavier robillard
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All Day Coffee tries to provide you, the readers, with sarcasm, irony, satire, and general merriment at the lightning pace of once a week. New stories appear every Monday.
Unless I'm tired.
Or on vacation.
Or washing my hair.
most recent drivel appears at
page top.
More is available here.
- FIFA Power Rankings for World Cup Soccer Team Names
description: A Rose by any other Name
June 9, 2014
- FIFA Rankings for World Cup Slogans
description: Not Picked: We will drive the ball so far down your keeper's throat he'll find it tomorrow in his shoes
May 18, 2014
- Explaining to Mindy Kaling Why Men Take So Long To Tie Our Own Shoes
description: Mansplaining relationships
April 6, 2014
- This Millennial Won't Buy Your Health Insurance
description: Newest pub!
March 5, 2014
- Live Comedy - Mystery Box, Brody Theatre - ESS. EEE. EX.
description: Gross little comic story about porn and technology
August 17, 2013
- Late Night with Alex Falcone
description: local late night action without pesky TVs or national audience!
January 19, 2013
- Live On Doctor Radio (podcast)
description: Meets up old and new boston friends
November 24, 2012
- Dear President Obama: I'm sorry about the Kenya thing
description: just before the presidential election I set the record straight
November 5, 2012
- Deadfellas Halloween Bash
description: A spooky Halloween
October 31, 2012
- Nutritional Guidelines for Disney Characters
description: Be like Tigger you sad bear
July 2, 2012
- Arizona to Cover Up Grand Canyon's Unseemly Lady Parts
description: World's Largest Nacho Bowl
May 14, 2012
- SCIENCE: Proof Dinosaurs and Humans did not coexist
description: I repeat, sicence
May 3, 2012
- The Gross new Political Action Committee from Rick Santorum
description: Yep: he didn't check the spelling
January 27, 2012
- Publication in McSweeneys
description: if you aren't outraged you haven't read it yet
January 26, 2012
- New Writers! Shake the Multiple Personality Disorder
description: Learn how to write from one POV first.
November 15, 2011
- Live Storytelling at Anecdotal Evidence
description: More Washington-state live hooey
October 27, 2011
- Atheneum Reading 2011
description:
September 25, 2011
- Literary Death Match -- Portland, Episode 2
description: See authors... bloody
September 8, 2011
- Leaked Obama Job Plan calls to "Burn Down the Country and Collect the Insurance Money."
description: It works for Detroit
September 8, 2011
- Them's Fightin' Words (Willamette Week story)
description: Portland writers talk smack before Literary Death Match.
September 6, 2011
- To Prepare for Hurricane Irene, America's Mayors Urge Residents of Northeast Cities to 'Start Looting Now'
description: Hurricane Preparation for the Modern Age
August 25, 2011
- Hustings Hustler: Iowa Straw Poll Draws Blood
description: And introducing the NASCAR Suppository
August 17, 2011
- Hustings Hustler: GOP Rocks the Granite State
description: Learn about the 2nd GOP debate, Herman Cain's weed plan, and all the shadow candidates running to replace Barack Obama.
June 19, 2011
- Blood in the Sand: the 2012 Republican Primary Candidates
description: Meet some people who really want jobs at Fox News
May 9, 2011
- Love Advice from a Star Wars Nerd
description: it's not the Force that needs to be with you
April 28, 2011
- Comedy Performance Anecdotal Evidence
description: once again exporting humor across the Columbia River
February 24, 2011
- The Nervous Breakdown: Portland Vs Portlandia
description: Too many writers writing about the IFCs new show
February 11, 2011
- The Nervous Breakdown Literary Experience - Comedy Reading
description: at the Hall of Records
January 30, 2011
- Fiction Reading at Canvas Art Bar
description: reading with Rough Copy
January 26, 2011
- G is for Gangsta: Free Download
description: try before you buy
January 13, 2011
- The Nervous Breakdown: My Own Personal Tax Haven
description: I wasn't sure I wanted to trust the Panamanians but I wanted to show Panama that I'm not some punk college kid anymore. I was clearly a criminal mastermind.
November 22, 2010
- McSweeney's Article: My Addiction Memoir
description: a book proposal about an addiction I don't have.
November 12, 2010
- Republicans Guarantee Tax-free Marijuana
description: Smell the sweet leaf of tax-free freedom
November 3, 2010
- The Funniest Reasons You Hate me
description: Video: the most terrible comments about my writing
October 31, 2010
- Listen to the title track for G is for Gangsta FREE
description: the whitest hiphop ever
October 25, 2010
- Comedy Performance at Wordstock 2010
description: Enjoy Portland's Festival of Books
October 9, 2010
- Announcing October's Hottest Comedy Album: G is for Gangsta
description: Coming to internets soon!
October 5, 2010
- You Can't Lower Taxes and the Deficit... Dummy!
description: econ 101
September 23, 2010
- Comedy Performance Anecdotal Evidence
description: A storytelling series in Vancouver Washington
September 23, 2010
- Writing Advice from the First Grade
description: Memorize this!
September 17, 2010
- How to Pick a New Favorite Team When You Know Nothing About Football
description: first remove teams who won anything
September 13, 2010
- Rand Paul's Rules of Rulemaking
description: If you want someone not to vote for you, vote for me
August 5, 2010
- A Comedy Class Where You Won't Learn to be Funny
description: I promise, not funny at all.
August 5, 2010
- Fiction Reading at Springbox
description: new work
July 14, 2010
- Novelist Signs a Deal with Nike
description: 300 pages in 30 minutes
July 10, 2010
- Up up and way, way away
description: Article about Captain Freedom's theatrical adaptation
July 2, 2010
- How Americans Should Choose a World Cup Soccer Team
description: a handy unbiased guide (Allez Les Bleus)
June 14, 2010
- Scandal Score - America's Top Game Show
description: Where we see who can handle scandle
May 18, 2010
- Blunt 18 - Net Neutrality
description: Save the internet?
April 19, 2010
- World's Stoners Devastated To Learn Alice in Wonderland is About Math
description: This can only be seen as retribution for being uncool.
March 15, 2010
- Blunt Episode 5: Apple vs. Amazon
description: in which I go Hendrix on my laptop.
February 8, 2010
- A Vote for Taxes is a Vote for Having Nice Things
description: Also known as, Don't be California
January 25, 2010
- Voters Head to Ballot Box to Hammer Final Nail into California's Coffin
description: Tax on Girl Scouts must be profitable enough!
January 12, 2010
- Technology Predictions 2010
description: Also, b00bies!
January 4, 2010
- Everything You Need to Know about ClimateGate Email Scandal
description: Except the fact that stealing emails is politics masquerading as journalism
December 7, 2009
- Goldman Sachs Apologizes For Things and Stuff
description: Issued nine-point plan to more sensitively evict Grandmas and Close Orphanages
November 23, 2009
- Moderately Amusing Website Wishes Itself a Happy Fiver!
description: All Day Coffee is now in Kindergarten
November 11, 2009
- Live Wire Radio: Wordstock and the Ultimate Nerdoff, available as Podcast
description: Feel free to throw popcorn at your computer screen to simulate the live experience
October 26, 2009
- Comedy Performance at Wordstock 2009
description: Enjoy Portland's annual festival of books.
October 11, 2009
- Appearance: Live Wire Radio's Ultimate Nerd-off
description: been training with back issues of the X-men
October 10, 2009
- Washington Times Startling Discovery: Nerds Like Porn
description: yep, we said titillating.
October 1, 2009
- Fall Fiction Class
description: Teaching Fiction at the Attic in Portland
September 27, 2009
- Truth, Justice, and Rehab: Captain Freedom, a Truly Modern Hero
description: an interview with satire site Check Please!
September 15, 2009
- Alternative Names for the Public Option
description: I hope they pick the cool-aid man
September 14, 2009
- Captain Freedom - The Book club
description: a discussion of the novel with the Portland Local reading group
August 12, 2009
- FAQ About Woodstock (from someone who was not yet born)
description: I remember it like I was there, man.
August 10, 2009
- Unheard of, Heretofore Useless Economic Indicator Nudges Forward, Possibly Signaling Change
description: Nobody knows for sure without further study
August 3, 2009
- It's Sleestak Vs SPECTRE In PA Primary
description:
August 3, 2009
- Voodoo Doughnut Reading Party
description: Come for the doughnuts, stay for the authors
August 1, 2009
- True Stories at Mississippi Studios
description: a night of embarrassing non-fiction & live music
July 30, 2009
- Anecdotal Health Care
description: Your New Solution in Anecdote-based Care
July 27, 2009
- Job Hunting Tips in the Facebook Age
description: Don't Post Those Mechanical Bull Pics. Unless...
July 6, 2009
- How to Become an Iran Expert
description: Persian Pundrity Is as Easy as Setting Up a Twitter Account
June 22, 2009
- How to setup a proxy for Iranian citizens (for Windows!)
description: did not write- just a reprint
June 16, 2009
- FAQ on the Digital Switch
description: If you still have ten digits this is totally normal.
June 15, 2009
- G. Xavier Robillard comes back home
description: a brief mention in Reading Local
June 15, 2009
- From Pandemonium to Powell's - Montana to Oregon
description: a stop at Missoula, aka chilltown USA
June 3, 2009
- From Pandemonium to Powell's - Minneapolis and Fargo
description: Is that your Accomplice in the Wood Chipper?
May 22, 2009
- From Pandemonium to Powell's - Lansing And Chicago
description: The Tour D'Store
May 21, 2009
- From Pandemonium to Powell's - Buffalo and Ann Arbor
description: A tour of the great lakes cities
May 19, 2009
- From Pandemonium to Powell's - Pandemonium Books
description: hanging out with the Magic and the Daemons
May 17, 2009
- With Graduation Looming and Few Job Prospects, America Asks to Move Back In With Great Britain
description: British Wonders if America Will Start Doing Its Own Laundry
May 15, 2009
- From Pandemonium to Powell's - Great American Tour d'Store
description: 8 States, 8 Stores, 3300 miles
May 14, 2009
- City Smackdown: Boston Vs Portland
description: Which city can be the victor?
May 11, 2009
- To Combat Image Problems, Mexico Changes Name to Steve
description: You cannot say "Mexico" without saying "sick."
May 4, 2009
- Free Comic Book Day Contest!!!
description: win a copy of Captain Freedom
May 2, 2009
- GOP Demands Giant Border Wall to Combat Mexican Swine Flu
description: Media, politicians are prepared to create as much hype as possible to handle the coming panic
April 28, 2009
- MySpace Suicide Epidemic Sweeps Nation, Worrying Parents, Educators, MySpace
description: Teen Boredom, Poor Layouts Lead to Users Fleeing Social Networking Site
April 22, 2009
- Reed Next's Next Read
description: TBA
April 20, 2009
- Stumptown Comix Fest
description: Portland's littlest Con
April 19, 2009
- Making it Funny, Comedy for Old and New Media
description: A lecture on comedy at SUNY Oswego
April 14, 2009
- READING AND DISCUSSION: Author and Humorist G. Xavier Robillard on Captain Freedom
description: A performance at SUNY Oswego
April 13, 2009
- 8 Ways to Beef Up North Korea Rocket Program
description: Please, stop letting Supreme Leader in the Chem Lab
April 5, 2009
- How to Record An Effective Podcast
description: First thing: make sure you have a sexy, sexy voice
March 30, 2009
- Unusable Signal interviews Captain Freedom
description: Hear the Captain on air!
March 28, 2009
- My Stalker In Telecom
description: Running A Business Like A Lovesick Schoolboy
March 23, 2009
- History Obama Could Learn From: How FDR Beat King Kong
description: A Secret History of the First 100 days
March 17, 2009
- NPR: A Superhero for a Self-Absorbed Society
description: includes live podcasts on NPR
March 17, 2009
- Unusable Signal interviews G. Xavier Robillard
description: Hear the author in a tubes interview
March 14, 2009
- 7 Practical Ways To Cheat Death At the Hands of your Enemies
description: Things we picked up from watching 24
March 12, 2009
- Captain Freedom - Live in Cambridge
description:
March 3, 2009
- Captain Freedom - Live in Cambridge
description: G. Xavier Robillard reads from Captain Freedom, "Forced Out."
March 3, 2009
- Ask the Superhero: Unicorn Or Narwhal
description: The serious biologist asks who would win in a fight
March 2, 2009
- Boston Edge Reviews Freedom
description: A fun write up in the Edge. Not the U2 guitarist.
March 1, 2009
- Captain Freedom - He's No Superman
description: A review by the Baltimore Sun
February 27, 2009
- GOP’s Boehner Continues Stand Against Wimpy Americans
description: GOP House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Some Place Where Men are Men, Women are Women, and Everyone Pulls Themselves Up by Their Bootstraps) has criticized the Democratic Party for offering American
February 26, 2009
- Tech Support Script #15: So You Swallowed Your Blackberry
description: Every Blackberry owner should read this
February 25, 2009
- The Price of Freedom
description: An interview iwith the Portsmouth WIre
February 19, 2009
- The Seven Levels of Nerdgasm
description: A Fanyboy Awaits the Watchmen Movie
February 17, 2009
- Captain Freedom: the Novel, Excerpts and Spin-offs
description: oh yeah there's a blog too!
February 11, 2009
- Kirkus' Review of Captain Freedom
description: Kirkus gives a little love
January 30, 2009
- George Bush Reflects on Last Eight Years as Baseball Commissioner
description: Remembering the Presidential Defiler
January 19, 2009
- G. Xavier Robillard Wins 4th Annual HumorFeed Competition
description: Oddly, Coffee-related site wins prize with story about... coffee!
January 15, 2009
- Ghostwriter Responds to Superhero's Allegations
description: Admits he may have made up some things.
January 12, 2009
- Super Personality Test - What Kind of Hero Are You?
description: Find Out if You Can Be Trusted with the Keys to the Company Nukes
January 11, 2009
- MPAA Movie Ratings Generator
description: Learn Why the Secret Cabal Really Rated That Film PG-13 - Was it the Hobbit Tickling?
January 10, 2009
- Captain Freedom Vents About New Memoir
description: The Official Book Trailer
January 2, 2009
- Everything You Need To Know about Professional Athletes and Guns
description: a brief FAQ so you can better understand the relationship between weapons and professional athletes.
December 9, 2008
- Big Three Automakers Prepare for Awesome DC Road Trip
description: Ford CEO decided Driving his Lexus Sent Wrong Message
December 3, 2008
- A Boxing Day Retail Boycott
description: We should systematically target those retailers who refuse to celebrate Boxing Day.
November 25, 2008
- Franken, Coleman Vote Counting Disrupted by Lizard People
description: Will Reptiles be Our New Minnesota Senator?
November 21, 2008
- Obama's Diplomatic Skills Threatened by Very Ugly Dog
description: Malia's allergies will be fine, because the Peruvian hairless is ugly enough to clear the room.
November 17, 2008
- Canada Completely Unprepared for Arrival of Angry Democrats
description: There are Coast Guard ships but not nearly enough to stop the Freedom Yachts that are ready to embark from Seattle
November 4, 2008
- Joe The Plumber to become Joe the Country Star?
description: Or Joe the Country Fish
October 31, 2008
- Conservatives Accidentally Bankroll Obama to Prove a Point About Online Donation Fraud
description: If you want to be anonymous do you have to call yourself Anonymous?
October 29, 2008
- Ralph Nader Wins Something!
description: but not a 5000 foot sandwich