Five Worst Superpowers

The O'Reilly France Boycott: Three Years Later

Understanding Today's Pirates


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{stories, thoughts, rants, both true and un-}
  1. FIFA Power Rankings for World Cup Soccer Team Names
    description: A Rose by any other Name
    File Under: life
    June 9, 2014

  2. FIFA Rankings for World Cup Slogans
    description: Not Picked: We will drive the ball so far down your keeper's throat he'll find it tomorrow in his shoes
    File Under: life
    May 18, 2014

  3. Explaining to Mindy Kaling Why Men Take So Long To Tie Our Own Shoes
    description: Mansplaining relationships
    File Under: life
    April 6, 2014

  4. Late Night with Alex Falcone
    description: local late night action without pesky TVs or national audience!
    File Under: events, life
    January 19, 2013

  5. Dear President Obama: I'm sorry about the Kenya thing
    description: just before the presidential election I set the record straight
    File Under: politics
    November 5, 2012

  6. Nutritional Guidelines for Disney Characters
    description: Be like Tigger you sad bear
    File Under: life
    July 2, 2012

  7. Arizona to Cover Up Grand Canyon's Unseemly Lady Parts
    description: World's Largest Nacho Bowl
    File Under: life, politics
    May 14, 2012

  8. SCIENCE: Proof Dinosaurs and Humans did not coexist
    description: I repeat, sicence
    File Under: toys, life, politics
    May 3, 2012

  9. The Gross new Political Action Committee from Rick Santorum
    description: Yep: he didn't check the spelling
    File Under: politics, media
    January 27, 2012

  10. Publication in McSweeneys
    description: if you aren't outraged you haven't read it yet
    File Under: life
    January 26, 2012

  11. New Writers! Shake the Multiple Personality Disorder
    description: Learn how to write from one POV first.
    File Under: life
    November 15, 2011

  12. Atheneum Reading 2011
    File Under: events
    September 25, 2011

  13. Leaked Obama Job Plan calls to "Burn Down the Country and Collect the Insurance Money."
    description: It works for Detroit
    File Under: life, business, politics
    September 8, 2011

  14. To Prepare for Hurricane Irene, America's Mayors Urge Residents of Northeast Cities to 'Start Looting Now'
    description: Hurricane Preparation for the Modern Age
    File Under: life
    August 25, 2011

  15. Hustings Hustler: Iowa Straw Poll Draws Blood
    description: And introducing the NASCAR Suppository
    File Under: politics
    August 17, 2011

  16. Hustings Hustler: GOP Rocks the Granite State
    description: Learn about the 2nd GOP debate, Herman Cain's weed plan, and all the shadow candidates running to replace Barack Obama.
    File Under: politics
    June 19, 2011

  17. Blood in the Sand: the 2012 Republican Primary Candidates
    description: Meet some people who really want jobs at Fox News
    File Under: politics
    May 9, 2011

  18. Love Advice from a Star Wars Nerd
    description: it's not the Force that needs to be with you
    File Under: life
    April 28, 2011

  19. Comedy Performance Anecdotal Evidence
    description: once again exporting humor across the Columbia River
    File Under: events
    February 24, 2011

  20. The Nervous Breakdown: Portland Vs Portlandia
    description: Too many writers writing about the IFCs new show
    File Under: life
    February 11, 2011

  21. The Nervous Breakdown Literary Experience - Comedy Reading
    description: at the Hall of Records
    File Under: events
    January 30, 2011

  22. Fiction Reading at Canvas Art Bar
    description: reading with Rough Copy
    File Under: events
    January 26, 2011

  23. G is for Gangsta: Free Download
    description: try before you buy
    File Under: life, business
    January 13, 2011

  24. The Nervous Breakdown: My Own Personal Tax Haven
    description: I wasn't sure I wanted to trust the Panamanians but I wanted to show Panama that I'm not some punk college kid anymore. I was clearly a criminal mastermind.
    File Under: life, business, politics
    November 22, 2010

  25. McSweeney's Article: My Addiction Memoir
    description: a book proposal about an addiction I don't have.
    File Under: press, life
    November 12, 2010

  26. Republicans Guarantee Tax-free Marijuana
    description: Smell the sweet leaf of tax-free freedom
    File Under: life, business, politics
    November 3, 2010

  27. The Funniest Reasons You Hate me
    description: Video: the most terrible comments about my writing
    File Under: media
    October 31, 2010

  28. Listen to the title track for G is for Gangsta FREE
    description: the whitest hiphop ever
    File Under: media
    October 25, 2010

  29. Announcing October's Hottest Comedy Album: G is for Gangsta
    description: Coming to internets soon!
    File Under: updates, life, media
    October 5, 2010

  30. You Can't Lower Taxes and the Deficit... Dummy!
    description: econ 101
    File Under: business, politics
    September 23, 2010

  31. Writing Advice from the First Grade
    description: Memorize this!
    File Under: life
    September 17, 2010

  32. How to Pick a New Favorite Team When You Know Nothing About Football
    description: first remove teams who won anything
    File Under: life
    September 13, 2010

  33. Rand Paul's Rules of Rulemaking
    description: If you want someone not to vote for you, vote for me
    File Under: politics
    August 5, 2010

  34. A Comedy Class Where You Won't Learn to be Funny
    description: I promise, not funny at all.
    File Under: life
    August 5, 2010

  35. Novelist Signs a Deal with Nike
    description: 300 pages in 30 minutes
    File Under: life, business, tech, media
    July 10, 2010

  36. Up up and way, way away
    description: Article about Captain Freedom's theatrical adaptation
    File Under: press
    July 2, 2010

  37. How Americans Should Choose a World Cup Soccer Team
    description: a handy unbiased guide (Allez Les Bleus)
    File Under: life
    June 14, 2010

  38. Scandal Score - America's Top Game Show
    description: Where we see who can handle scandle
    File Under: politics
    May 18, 2010

  39. Blunt 18 - Net Neutrality
    description: Save the internet?
    File Under: media, tech, politics
    April 19, 2010

  40. Fax Machine You're My Worst Girlfriend Ever
    description: Sorry Fax Machine. My Blackberry's a cyberbully
    File Under: life, business
    March 10, 2010

  41. Blunt Episode 5: Apple vs. Amazon
    description: in which I go Hendrix on my laptop.
    File Under: tech, business
    February 8, 2010

  42. A Vote for Taxes is a Vote for Having Nice Things
    description: Also known as, Don't be California
    File Under: media, politics
    January 25, 2010

  43. Voters Head to Ballot Box to Hammer Final Nail into California's Coffin
    description: Tax on Girl Scouts must be profitable enough!
    File Under: politics
    January 12, 2010

  44. Technology Predictions 2010
    description: Also, b00bies!
    File Under: tech
    January 4, 2010

  45. Everything You Need to Know about ClimateGate Email Scandal
    description: Except the fact that stealing emails is politics masquerading as journalism
    File Under: tech, politics
    December 7, 2009

  46. Goldman Sachs Apologizes For Things and Stuff
    description: Issued nine-point plan to more sensitively evict Grandmas and Close Orphanages
    File Under: business
    November 23, 2009

  47. Moderately Amusing Website Wishes Itself a Happy Fiver!
    description: All Day Coffee is now in Kindergarten
    File Under: life
    November 11, 2009

  48. Washington Times Startling Discovery: Nerds Like Porn
    description: yep, we said titillating.
    File Under: tech, politics
    October 1, 2009

  49. Alternative Names for the Public Option
    description: I hope they pick the cool-aid man
    File Under: life, politics
    September 14, 2009

  50. Unheard of, Heretofore Useless Economic Indicator Nudges Forward, Possibly Signaling Change
    description: Nobody knows for sure without further study
    File Under: life, business
    August 3, 2009

  51. It's Sleestak Vs SPECTRE In PA Primary
    File Under: politics
    August 3, 2009

  52. True Stories at Mississippi Studios
    description: a night of embarrassing non-fiction & live music
    File Under: events
    July 30, 2009

  53. Anecdotal Health Care
    description: Your New Solution in Anecdote-based Care
    File Under: life, business
    July 27, 2009

  54. Job Hunting Tips in the Facebook Age
    description: Don't Post Those Mechanical Bull Pics. Unless...
    File Under: business
    July 6, 2009

  55. How to Become an Iran Expert
    description: Persian Pundrity Is as Easy as Setting Up a Twitter Account
    File Under: politics
    June 22, 2009

  56. How to setup a proxy for Iranian citizens (for Windows!)
    description: did not write- just a reprint
    File Under: politics
    June 16, 2009

  57. FAQ on the Digital Switch
    description: If you still have ten digits this is totally normal.
    File Under: tech
    June 15, 2009

  58. From Pandemonium to Powell's - Montana to Oregon
    description: a stop at Missoula, aka chilltown USA
    File Under: life
    June 3, 2009

  59. From Pandemonium to Powell's - Minneapolis and Fargo
    description: Is that your Accomplice in the Wood Chipper?
    File Under: life
    May 22, 2009

  60. From Pandemonium to Powell's - Lansing And Chicago
    description: The Tour D'Store
    File Under: life
    May 21, 2009

  61. From Pandemonium to Powell's - Buffalo and Ann Arbor
    description: A tour of the great lakes cities
    File Under: life
    May 19, 2009

  62. From Pandemonium to Powell's - Pandemonium Books
    description: hanging out with the Magic and the Daemons
    File Under: life
    May 17, 2009

  63. With Graduation Looming and Few Job Prospects, America Asks to Move Back In With Great Britain
    description: British Wonders if America Will Start Doing Its Own Laundry
    File Under: politics
    May 15, 2009

  64. From Pandemonium to Powell's - Great American Tour d'Store
    description: 8 States, 8 Stores, 3300 miles
    File Under: life
    May 14, 2009

  65. City Smackdown: Boston Vs Portland
    description: Which city can be the victor?
    File Under: life
    May 11, 2009

  66. To Combat Image Problems, Mexico Changes Name to Steve
    description: You cannot say "Mexico" without saying "sick."
    File Under: politics
    May 4, 2009

  67. Free Comic Book Day Contest!!!
    description: win a copy of Captain Freedom
    File Under: toys
    May 2, 2009

  68. GOP Demands Giant Border Wall to Combat Mexican Swine Flu
    description: Media, politicians are prepared to create as much hype as possible to handle the coming panic
    File Under: politics
    April 28, 2009

  69. MySpace Suicide Epidemic Sweeps Nation, Worrying Parents, Educators, MySpace
    description: Teen Boredom, Poor Layouts Lead to Users Fleeing Social Networking Site
    File Under: tech
    April 22, 2009

  70. 8 Ways to Beef Up North Korea Rocket Program
    description: Please, stop letting Supreme Leader in the Chem Lab
    File Under: tech
    April 5, 2009

  71. How to Record An Effective Podcast
    description: First thing: make sure you have a sexy, sexy voice
    File Under: life, media
    March 30, 2009

  72. My Stalker In Telecom
    description: Running A Business Like A Lovesick Schoolboy
    File Under: business
    March 23, 2009

  73. History Obama Could Learn From: How FDR Beat King Kong
    description: A Secret History of the First 100 days
    File Under: politics
    March 17, 2009

  74. 7 Practical Ways To Cheat Death At the Hands of your Enemies
    description: Things we picked up from watching 24
    File Under: life
    March 12, 2009

  75. Captain Freedom - Live in Cambridge
    File Under: media
    March 3, 2009

  76. Captain Freedom - Live in Cambridge
    description: G. Xavier Robillard reads from Captain Freedom, "Forced Out."
    File Under: life, media
    March 3, 2009

  77. Ask the Superhero: Unicorn Or Narwhal
    description: The serious biologist asks who would win in a fight
    File Under: life
    March 2, 2009

  78. GOP’s Boehner Continues Stand Against Wimpy Americans
    description: GOP House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Some Place Where Men are Men, Women are Women, and Everyone Pulls Themselves Up by Their Bootstraps) has criticized the Democratic Party for offering American
    File Under: politics
    February 26, 2009

  79. Tech Support Script #15: So You Swallowed Your Blackberry
    description: Every Blackberry owner should read this
    File Under: tech
    February 25, 2009

  80. The Seven Levels of Nerdgasm
    description: A Fanyboy Awaits the Watchmen Movie
    File Under: life
    February 17, 2009

  81. Captain Freedom: the Novel, Excerpts and Spin-offs
    description: oh yeah there's a blog too!
    File Under: life
    February 11, 2009

  82. George Bush Reflects on Last Eight Years as Baseball Commissioner
    description: Remembering the Presidential Defiler
    File Under: politics
    January 19, 2009

  83. G. Xavier Robillard Wins 4th Annual HumorFeed Competition
    description: Oddly, Coffee-related site wins prize with story about... coffee!
    File Under: life, press
    January 15, 2009

  84. Ghostwriter Responds to Superhero's Allegations
    description: Admits he may have made up some things.
    File Under: life
    January 12, 2009

  85. Super Personality Test - What Kind of Hero Are You?
    description: Find Out if You Can Be Trusted with the Keys to the Company Nukes
    File Under: toys
    January 11, 2009

  86. MPAA Movie Ratings Generator
    description: Learn Why the Secret Cabal Really Rated That Film PG-13 - Was it the Hobbit Tickling?
    File Under: toys
    January 10, 2009

  87. Everything You Need To Know about Professional Athletes and Guns
    description: a brief FAQ so you can better understand the relationship between weapons and professional athletes.
    File Under: life
    December 9, 2008

  88. Big Three Automakers Prepare for Awesome DC Road Trip
    description: Ford CEO decided Driving his Lexus Sent Wrong Message
    File Under: business
    December 3, 2008

  89. A Boxing Day Retail Boycott
    description: We should systematically target those retailers who refuse to celebrate Boxing Day.
    File Under: business
    November 25, 2008

  90. Franken, Coleman Vote Counting Disrupted by Lizard People
    description: Will Reptiles be Our New Minnesota Senator?
    File Under: politics
    November 21, 2008

  91. Obama's Diplomatic Skills Threatened by Very Ugly Dog
    description: Malia's allergies will be fine, because the Peruvian hairless is ugly enough to clear the room.
    File Under: life
    November 17, 2008

  92. Canada Completely Unprepared for Arrival of Angry Democrats
    description: There are Coast Guard ships but not nearly enough to stop the Freedom Yachts that are ready to embark from Seattle
    File Under: life
    November 4, 2008

  93. Joe The Plumber to become Joe the Country Star?
    description: Or Joe the Country Fish
    File Under: politics
    October 31, 2008

  94. Conservatives Accidentally Bankroll Obama to Prove a Point About Online Donation Fraud
    description: If you want to be anonymous do you have to call yourself Anonymous?
    File Under: politics
    October 29, 2008

  95. Ralph Nader Wins Something!
    description: but not a 5000 foot sandwich
    File Under: politics
    October 28, 2008

  96. 6 Ways You Know Democrats Love Socialism
    description: because Joe the Plumber might actually have to pay his back taxes
    File Under: politics
    October 27, 2008

  97. Google CEO Searches Obama + Me + Cabinet Position
    description: What will Search bring to America?
    File Under: politics
    October 21, 2008

  98. The Presidential Candidates' Middle Names
    description: I'm looking at you, John S. McCain
    File Under: politics, media
    October 16, 2008

  99. Presidential Caveman Debates
    description: Yet Another Debate Performance Response
    File Under: politics
    September 29, 2008

  100. Understanding Freddie And Fannie: Bloated Mortgage Giants, or Just Misunderstood?
    description: Answering the important question: which would win in a fight?
    File Under: business
    September 8, 2008

  101. Republicans Become the Party Party
    description: The only risky activity the GOP refuses to condone is "heavy vetting"
    File Under: politics
    September 4, 2008

  102. Batman Movie Sparks Real Crime Spree
    description: We recommend if you're planning to see Batman multiple times, you should make sure a trusted neighbor is picking up your mail
    File Under: life
    July 29, 2008

  103. 6 Ways Airlines Could Make Some Serious Money
    description: You will have the chance to get a signed photograph of your airline lobbyist in a lovely frame ($100).
    File Under: business
    July 14, 2008

  104. 7 Dangerous Technologies You Can Still Use While Driving Under California Cellphone Ban
    description: Should you survive the accident, your ability to communicate will already be so hampered by texting that the paramedics who comes to your aid will determine you brain dead.
    File Under: tech
    July 8, 2008

  105. Electrical Storms Disrupt Blogging
    description: Blogger Determined to Understand Mystical Connection Between Electricity, Internet
    File Under: life
    June 30, 2008

  106. Obama Campaign Vets Summer Vacation Plans
    description: Attempting to Avoid the Windsurfing Debacle of 2004
    File Under: politics
    June 17, 2008

  107. Stop The Presses – Dick Cheney Apologizes!
    description: Cheney's gaffe hits on a sensitive topic, as support for the Bush Administration's War on Incest has become critically low
    File Under: politics
    June 4, 2008

  108. Osama Scolds Dunkin For Rachel Ray
    description: Very few people even know that "queda" is Arabic for "jelly roll"
    File Under: politics
    May 28, 2008

  109. Understanding Today's Pirates
    description: Do all modern pirates dress like Keith Richards?
    File Under: life
    May 5, 2008

  110. Measuring Windows Vista’s Impact on the Superhero world
    description: Breaking News On How a Bad OS can effect superhuman computing
    File Under: tech
    April 20, 2008

  111. Sex Toy Industry Pays for Billions Spent on Unwed Mothers
    description: New welfare programs include free day care and Cadillac trade-ins
    File Under: life
    April 18, 2008

  112. City Smackdown: Portland Versus Boston Rematch
    description: Which one is better? It all comes down to whether you prefer volcanoes or redheads.
    File Under: life
    April 15, 2008

  113. Iraqi Army Replicates US, British Failures in Basra
    description: Homegrown army's ability to lose portends US troop withdrawals.
    File Under: politics
    April 7, 2008

  114. Stunned By Layoffs, Economists Declare Recession
    description: Unemployed economists have issued a statement confirming that the US economy is absolutely, definitely, totally, in the toilet
    File Under: business
    March 25, 2008

  115. Vatican Discovers New Ways to Send You To Hell
    description: New sins listed by Holy See include pollution, drug abuse, and tailgating
    File Under: life
    March 11, 2008

  116. I Also Have 35 Years Experience
    description: I wanted a bold new, dry feeling, even if that caused me to sit bare assed on the changing table.
    File Under: politics
    March 3, 2008

  117. All Day Coffee takes on the Plastic Bag Menace
    description: Telling You everything you need to know about plastic bags
    File Under: life, media
    March 2, 2008

  118. Ask the Superhero Vol II: What is a Superdelegate
    description: Democrats had a difficult time herding their delegates, for delegates are wily, and prone to blend into the upholstery
    File Under: politics
    February 26, 2008

  119. Presidential Smackdown: Action Hero Debate
    description: In addition to Chuck Norris endorsing Mike Huckabee, we’ve heard from Hulk Hogan (Barack Obama), Lucy Lawless (Hillary Clinton), and Sylvester Stallone (John McCain)
    File Under: politics
    February 12, 2008

  120. The State Of My Cubicle
    description: I have enjoyed my time here, or have at least remained alert.
    File Under: politics
    January 29, 2008

  121. Baristas Claim Obama's Coffee Not Black Enough
    description: Other Candidates Attack Weak Coffee Position
    File Under: politics
    January 14, 2008

  122. Writers Strike Cripples Pornography Industry
    description: We need fresh titles before people realize they've been watching the same thing over and over.
    File Under: business
    January 2, 2008

  123. New Years Greeting
    description: Take Care Of Technology
    File Under: business
    January 2, 2008

  124. GOP unveils plans For Tantalizing New Slurs Against Senator Clinton
    description: Plans include calling Hillary the C-word
    File Under: politics
    December 10, 2007

  125. Writers Strike Complicated by Apostrophe Usage
    description: The nation dangles like a participle
    File Under: business
    November 20, 2007

  126. Understanding Food Labels You Might Encounter At Whole Foods
    description: As in a human co-op, any new members deemed unsatisfactory or weak are pecked to death.
    File Under: life
    November 8, 2007

  127. Announcing my Earbud Disability
    description: Nobody should suffer their earbud falling out
    File Under: tech
    November 4, 2007

  128. Utter Wonder Humor Reading Series
    description: I'll be reading some pages of the funnies in Cambridge, MA
    File Under: life
    October 29, 2007

  129. Using Blackwater Contractors to Remodel my House was a Poor Idea
    description: Instead of nail guns, they like to use gun guns, which is really rough on the sheet rock.
    File Under: life
    October 15, 2007

  130. Highlights from the SysAdmin’s Keychain
    description: What do they have on the mass of metal attached to the fanny pack?
    File Under: tech
    October 7, 2007

  131. Storyboarding Bin Laden
    description: Al Qada hints at an upcoming Bin Laden video that is mysteriously stalled in pre-production
    File Under: politics
    September 24, 2007

  132. Parents Relieved That Newborn Isn't Illegal Alien
    description: The small infant looked American, but it would be hard to tell without extensive DNA testing.
    File Under: life
    September 17, 2007

  133. Dieting Book Proposal
    description: This Ain't Southbeach, Sweet Cheeks
    File Under: life
    September 11, 2007

  134. California Promises a Car Seat for All Ages
    description: Childhood no longer ends with college graduation
    File Under: life
    September 4, 2007

  135. Peanut Doping Scandal Rocks Little League Championship
    description: Turns out, boogers had no effects on pitching ability
    File Under: life
    August 28, 2007

  136. Congressional Recall
    description: Keep the Congress away from small children, as individual pieces have been found with screws loose that may constitute a choking hazard.
    File Under: business
    August 19, 2007

  137. Field Guide To Toddler Calls
    description: A quick trip to the emergency room should clarify the nature of the problem
    File Under: life
    August 13, 2007

  138. Rolling Stone Profiles A Suburban Dad
    description: To cope with wild nights, full of screaming and vomiting at all hours he developed a serious substance abuse problem with what he calls the Suburban speedball
    File Under: life
    August 7, 2007

  139. Help Wanted: Personal Assistant
    description: You're detail-oriented, like remembering what mile maker of which freeway did I crash the car into the guardrail and abandon
    File Under: life
    July 30, 2007

  140. iPhone Battery Replacement Policy
    description: How to replace the iPhone Battery, which will last a good deal longer than Uncle Irwin's electroshock therapy
    File Under: tech
    July 23, 2007

  141. Tour The New White House Press Room
    description: Enjoy our new smoke and mirrors
    File Under: politics
    July 16, 2007

  142. Live Earth Raises Awareness, Ticket Prices
    description: Global Warming Sells Unbelievable Amount of Merch
    File Under: life
    July 9, 2007

  143. Fireworks Recall FAQ
    description: No refunds for safe fireworks
    File Under: tech
    July 4, 2007

  144. What Not To Mix With Sunscreen
    description: Dangerous Sunscreen Mixers
    File Under: tech
    June 18, 2007

  145. Bacteria Lobby For Extension of Five Second Rule
    description: Scum receive help from lobbyists
    File Under: tech
    June 12, 2007

  146. Getting Into Credit Card Debt
    description: A Debtful Life Could Be Yours
    File Under: business
    June 4, 2007

  147. Protesting High Gas Prices
    description: What Would Lincoln Drive? Oh wait that's obvious
    File Under: business
    May 29, 2007

  148. DIY Resignation Letter
    description: A form letter to let people know why you've left.
    File Under: toys
    May 21, 2007

  149. Drugs Stage Intervention for Pete Doherty
    description: The drugs are concerned with the direction Doherty's life has been taking
    File Under: life
    May 14, 2007

  150. Homeland Security's Are You Safe To Fly? Terrorist Fun Quiz
    description: Eyes on your own paper!
    File Under: toys
    May 7, 2007

  151. How Aging Rockers Stay Alive
    description: It's not just snorting their ancestors
    File Under: life
    May 1, 2007

  152. Five Ways To Save the Earth (and take advantage of hot savings)
    description: Earth Day Wishes from Industry
    File Under: business
    April 22, 2007

  153. President Bush Threatens Sanctions On Congressional Democrats
    description: Democrats would be deprived of salaries, health insurance, food aid, the Sunday New York Times, and National Public Radio interviews
    File Under: politics
    April 19, 2007

  154. City Smackdown: Boston Vs. Portland
    description: Hot Postal Workers or Sarcasm? You be the judge
    File Under: life
    April 2, 2007

  155. Leading Democratic Candidates As Liberal As Jesus
    description: "These politicians are so close to Christ they're way out of the mainstream."
    File Under: politics
    March 26, 2007

  156. Eat Your Vegetables – A Government Conspiracy
    description: Only 57,000 ketchup packets til you hit your quota
    File Under: business
    March 19, 2007

  157. Five Deadly Household Items (that will kill you sooner or later)
    description: You'd be better off drinking gasoline from a lead canteen.
    File Under: life
    March 11, 2007

  158. Terrorists Cannot Decide on 2008 Presidential Candidate
    description: The primary season has just begun, but none of the candidates have distinguished themselves as the type to ignite worldwide jihad.
    File Under: politics
    February 26, 2007

  159. A Review of the New CAFE Standards
    description: Does Herbie pay 3 bucks a gallon?
    File Under: business
    February 24, 2007

  160. President's Day eCards, Volume II
    description: Is Washington Your First Love?
    File Under: toys
    February 20, 2007

  161. Bloggers Root Out Liberal Crossword Editor
    description: Next, the classifieds.
    File Under: politics
    February 15, 2007

  162. Secrets of the Senate Revealed
    File Under: politics
    February 12, 2007

  163. FAQ On The Global Warming Hoax
    description: The War on Climate Change is no more likely to succeed than the War on Legwarmers
    File Under: tech
    February 5, 2007

  164. Five Instruments Not Invited Back to Rock and Roll
    description: It's perfect for polka, but is it right for rock?
    File Under: life
    January 29, 2007

  165. Health Insurance Coverage Generator
    description: Tell us your symptoms, and we'll explain your coverage.
    File Under: toys
    January 22, 2007

  166. My Stroller Is Better Than Yours
    description: An Infant Point-counterpoint
    File Under: tech
    January 15, 2007

  167. Lindsay Lohan's Doctor Removes Appendix, Stomach
    description: Lohan looks forward to a future in which she doesn't have to worry about drinking on an empty stomach.
    File Under: life
    January 8, 2007

  168. Top Five Wars of 2006
    description: There were both arthouse surprises and old standbys in the past year's bloody conflicts
    File Under: life
    December 29, 2006

  169. Sony Sues Santa
    description: Sony Corporation has announced plans for a suit against Santa Claus, for illegally shipping the Playstation 3
    File Under: business
    December 26, 2006

  170. Axis of Evil to Divorce
    description: Breaking up is hard to do.
    File Under: life
    December 22, 2006

  171. Taco Bell – E. coli Healthiest Item on Menu
    description: The most likely cause of illness after eating Taco Bell is having eaten at Taco Bell
    File Under: life
    December 11, 2006

  172. Iraq Study Group Caught Cheating
    File Under: politics
    December 4, 2006

  173. Fun Search Strings that Brought People to All Day Coffee
    description: An exercise in server logs
    File Under: toys
    December 1, 2006

  174. What To Call The Iraq Civil War
    description: Ways to Get Around Saying 'Multi-ethnic/Tribal/Religious/Sectarian Violence' In Iraq
    File Under: politics
    November 28, 2006

  175. Colombia Celebrates 42 Years of Civil War
    description: An interview with the Rolling Stones of continuous conflict
    File Under: life
    November 20, 2006

  176. Rules For Preschool
    description: The Dusseldorf School Focuses On Creational Play
    File Under: life
    November 14, 2006

  177. Democratic Congressman Wins Foot In Mouth Contest
    description: Votes haven't been counted but insults start
    File Under: politics
    November 11, 2006

  178. Five Best Ways to Vote
    description: I can't figure out how to win this stupid touchscreen voting game.
    File Under: life
    November 6, 2006

  179. Garrison Keillor and The Serial Killers of Youth
    description: In the Minnesota where I grew up people didn't brag about bodies in the basement.
    File Under: life
    October 31, 2006

  180. Letter To Potential Voters
    description: I'm writing this from a Mexican jail cell
    File Under: politics
    October 24, 2006

  181. Up In Smoke: The Year's Political Losers
    description: You mean keeping cash in your freezer's illegal
    File Under: politics
    October 16, 2006

  182. Korean Nuclear Missile To Crush Godzilla, Capitalism
    description: In celebration workers will be rewarded with shortened, 99-hour work week
    File Under: tech
    October 10, 2006

  183. Five Worst Superpowers
    description: Too bad shield-throwing isn't an Olympic sport
    File Under: life
    October 3, 2006

  184. Electronic Voting Machines Accidentally Allow Choice
    description: Free will will rock the U.S. election system
    File Under: tech
    September 25, 2006

  185. Bin Laden Killed By Spinach
    description: A victory for leafy greens
    File Under: politics
    September 23, 2006

  186. Slashing Jobs, Ford Renews Commitment to Making Crappy Cars
    description: Ford will use innovative, old technology to continue to be the leader in cars nobody wants
    File Under: business
    September 18, 2006

  187. Denial Of Claim
    description: We hope to explain your coverage, and suggest how you might keep costs down in the future.
    File Under: business
    September 11, 2006

  188. Introducing the Inflatable Democrat
    description: 'Polls say he's the life of the Party'
    File Under: business
    August 28, 2006

  189. Male Aphrodisiacs
    description: Who needs black rhino horn powder when you have these household items?
    File Under: business
    August 25, 2006

  190. Pluto Election Stolen!
    description: Plutocrats rig election - still a planet
    File Under: tech
    August 21, 2006

  191. International Laundry Symbols
    description: What those Common Home Laundering & Drycleaning Symbols really mean
    File Under: toys
    August 18, 2006

  192. Saddam: a fan letter to Mel Gibson
    description: seriously drop the beard.
    File Under: life
    August 13, 2006

  193. Landis Drug Test Proves French Hate American Cyclists
    description: We always have problems like that – nanotechnology escaping from the lab. We should do a better job reporting it
    File Under: tech
    August 7, 2006

  194. Ask The Superhero
    description: Captain Freedom Answers Lifes Puzzling Questions
    File Under: life
    July 31, 2006

  195. How To Protect Your Country Club During Hurricane Season
    description: A FEMA Guide
    File Under: life
    July 24, 2006

  196. Totally Hot Chick at Town Beach Not Linked To Global Warming
    description: No explanation given for straying beauties
    File Under: tech
    July 19, 2006

  197. World Cup Soccer Rules
    description: An explanation of the beautiful game
    File Under: life
    July 2, 2006

  198. American Flag Needs Protection
    description: Burning the flag can jeopardize homes, pants.
    File Under: politics
    June 27, 2006

  199. Biofuels Report Card
    description: Which grass scores best?
    File Under: tech
    June 19, 2006

  200. Five Greatest Flags of All Time
    description: An All Day Coffee Geography Lesson
    File Under: politics
    June 13, 2006

  201. A Survey Of the Less Popular Computer Keys
    description: Happy Keyboard Appreciation Month!
    File Under: tech
    June 6, 2006

  202. Oregon Invites National Guard to California Border
    description: Western State Proposes Full Ban on Californians, Shakespeare.
    File Under: politics
    May 30, 2006

  203. Chinese Officials Accidentally Censor Communism
    description: People celebrate free press, free speech, and free cell phone minutes. Google slinks away in shame.
    File Under: tech
    May 23, 2006

  204. We Would Like To Preboard...
    description: ...anyone who needs extra time adjusting to the unsettling 1970's decor
    File Under: life
    May 12, 2006

  205. American Drivers Discover Extra Seats in Cars
    description: Rear seats in cars have potential to transport additional passengers to shared destinations
    File Under: tech
    May 8, 2006

  206. White House Reshuffles Office Of Office Supplies
    description: Critical Opportunity to Change Paper Distributor
    File Under: politics
    April 30, 2006

  207. Paul McCartney Accidentally Clubbed by Seal Hunter
    description: Seals releaved that British pop stars are considered viable food source.
    File Under: life
    April 24, 2006

  208. House Immigration Bill Expels Irish, Jews, Portuguese, Finns, Italians, Germans, Others
    description: Sweeping Immigration Reform Comes as A Surprise to A Majority of Americans Who Find Themselves Without A Country.
    File Under: politics
    April 19, 2006

  209. Special Alert: Iraq Never Promised US a Rose Garden
    description: A special report looks into the intelligence failures that led to a flowerless war
    File Under: politics
    April 9, 2006

  210. Media Still to Blame For Iraq War Difficulties
    description: Analysis on the Problems of War
    File Under: politics
    April 4, 2006

  211. Government Marks War Anniversary With Free iPods
    description: Winning the hearts and minds of the American people
    File Under: politics
    March 20, 2006

  212. Halitosis: A Class Action Suit
    description: Don't suffer from mouth funk alone (not literally, of course. Please stay away)
    File Under: business
    March 13, 2006

  213. Climbing Team Summits K2 Without Sponsorship
    description: An unusual accomplishment to achieve the world's second tallest mountain
    File Under: life
    March 7, 2006

  214. Peak Oil: Somebody Else's Problem
    description: Questions and Answers About Another Global Issue You'll Successfully Avoid
    File Under: tech
    February 27, 2006

  215. President's Day eCards - Vol I
    File Under: toys
    February 15, 2006

  216. Vice President 'Accidentally' Shoots Hunting 'Buddy'
    description: Cheney hunt casualty count reaches all time low
    File Under: politics
    February 12, 2006

  217. Ford's New Zero Emissions SUV Powered by Union Labor
    description: largest SUV approximates GVW of gray whale
    File Under: tech
    February 3, 2006

  218. Iranian Nuclear Woes Smack of NIMBY-ism
    description: Neighborhood Uncomfortable with Nukes
    File Under: politics
    January 23, 2006

  219. US Affirms Commitment To Monarchy In Middle East
    description: Recent Death of Kuwaiti Emir will Not Affect Inherited Government
    File Under: politics
    January 16, 2006

  220. House Majority Leader Steps Down "To Spend More Time With My Attorneys"
    description: Tom DeLay wants to kick back, coach softball, and file motions.
    File Under: politics
    January 9, 2006

  221. Limbo Lost: End of a Spiritual Era
    description: Homeless souls look for new lodging
    File Under: life
    January 3, 2006

  222. Reality Show Premise Generator
    description: To aid our struggling television networks, who may not be able to pay those fatcat writers, this useful tool will create new and exciting reality shows.
    File Under: toys
    January 1, 2006

  223. Official Congressional Tour of Baghdad
    description: See Progress Yourself with Westmoreland Tours
    File Under: politics
    December 19, 2005

  224. The O'Reilly France Boycott: Three Years Later
    description: Talk Show Personality Cripples French Economy
    File Under: life
    December 11, 2005

  225. Christian Group Boycotts Narnia
    description: Religious Leader Has A Real Problem With Felines
    File Under: life
    December 8, 2005

  226. LipoDiesel: Energy of the Future
    description: From your tummy to my car
    File Under: tech
    November 30, 2005

  227. Litter And It Will Hurt
    description: Instructions for Holiday Driving
    File Under: life
    November 21, 2005

  228. Pakistan and India Drop Claims on Kashmir
    description: Nations Agree That Led Zepellin Song Isn't Worth Bloodshed
    File Under: politics
    November 16, 2005

  229. Stuffy Author Writes Self-Congratulatory Article to Celebrate Website Anniversary
    description: Small-time website author bloviates in third person
    File Under: business
    November 8, 2005

  230. Panamanian Government Fears Presidential Visit
    description: Rumors of Second Bush Invasion
    File Under: politics
    November 7, 2005

  231. Walmart Benefit Reductions: A Memo
    description: Healthcare Special of the Day: Leeches
    File Under: business
    October 31, 2005

  232. Themes for Fiction Welcomed by the New Yorker
    File Under: life
    October 26, 2005

  233. Bush Show Continues Despite Ratings Slump
    description: Why don't they fire this turkey?
    File Under: business
    October 24, 2005

  234. Political Scandals Become Too Complicated
    description: A plea for a return to murder and embezzling
    File Under: politics
    October 18, 2005

  235. Picking Your Friends
    description: A pretty good method for selecting a Supreme Court Justice
    File Under: politics
    October 10, 2005

  236. What is RSS?
    description: A Primer on Poor Spelling for the Internet Age
    File Under: tech
    October 4, 2005

  237. The Path Of Most Resistance
    description: Fitness that scares you
    File Under: life
    September 27, 2005

  238. American Worms Capitulate Before North Korea
    description: Dispatch from the North Korean News Service
    File Under: politics
    September 20, 2005

  239. Summertime, Red and Blue Style
    description: End of Summer parties on both sides of the aisle
    File Under: life
    September 20, 2005

  240. Spin from Hurricane Aftermath Threatens Disaster
    description: Critical Levels of Spin may cause Earth to leave its orbit
    File Under: tech
    September 13, 2005

  241. Computer Icons Overheard
    File Under: tech
    September 6, 2005

  242. Financial Calculator for White Collar Crime
    description: How much does crime pay
    File Under: toys
    August 23, 2005

  243. African Nation Aspires to Become Leader in High-Tech Scams
    description: Scams are the new model for the developing world
    File Under: business
    August 15, 2005

  244. W is for...
    description: The improved Who`s Who in America
    File Under: politics
    August 8, 2005

  245. Congress Unanimously Agrees to Summer Recess
    description: Unique Partnership across Parties
    File Under: politics
    August 1, 2005

  246. CEO Gets 25 Years
    description: Wall Street Stunned At the Unfair Treatment of Businessmen
    File Under: business
    July 14, 2005

  247. NASA Blows Up Comet During Summer Sweeps
    description: Comet dead ... Ratings soar ...People love it.
    File Under: tech
    July 4, 2005

  248. Internal Monologue Of a Progressive-rock Fan Choosing His Wedding Song
    description: Oh Fripp, how do I love thee (co-written with Wayne Gladstone)
    File Under: tech
    June 30, 2005

  249. Homeland Security Detains Terror Mastermind King Tut
    description: Days of ancient horror have ended
    File Under: tech
    June 27, 2005

  250. Zombie Handbook
    description: A sample from the award winning zombie lifestyle series
    File Under: life
    June 20, 2005

  251. Democrats Develop New Strategies to Defeat Selves
    description: No longer depending on high paid consultants
    File Under: politics
    June 13, 2005

  252. Renew Johnny!
    description: A Review like none other
    File Under: politics
    June 5, 2005

  253. Researchers claim: homework is lame
    description: Students cheer, teachers jeer
    File Under: politics
    June 2, 2005

  254. The Nuclear Option
    description: call your senator
    File Under: politics
    May 23, 2005

  255. Catch That Fly Fishing Hottie
    description: A Salmon Identification Guide
    File Under: politics
    May 13, 2005

  256. Kansas scientific dictionary
    description: the new science
    File Under: politics
    May 9, 2005

  257. More UN Video Games
    description: fun for the whole family, cohort, or nation-state
    File Under: politics
    May 2, 2005

  258. Gay Marriage Solution
    description: The less you know the better
    File Under: life
    April 18, 2005

  259. Creation Myth Comparison
    description: Shop for your favorite theory
    File Under: life
    April 12, 2005

  260. Oil Drilling OK Under Suburban Malls
    description: Nation Doesn't mourn
    File Under: tech
    April 4, 2005

  261. Congress Declares New Ultra-Mega Court
    description: Supreme Court Justices looking for new jobs
    File Under: politics
    April 2, 2005

  262. Extreme Vacations for Wordsmiths
    description: Ellipses Guiding Services offers the finest in extreme literary entertainment
    File Under: politics
    March 24, 2005

  263. Nokia Cellular Phone Instructions
    description: A bunch of technical specs you should really ignore
    File Under: tech
    March 21, 2005

  264. Star Wars III - The Trailer
    description: by guest writer Dr. Doom
    File Under: tech
    March 14, 2005

  265. Wizard Group Promises Healthy Social Security
    description: Sponsored by Wall Street Week
    File Under: tech
    March 10, 2005

  266. Vatican: Can Democracy Thrive?
    description: Freeing Vatican City from Tyranny
    File Under: tech
    February 28, 2005

  267. Fox Named Director of HenHouse Security
    description: The chickens will be safe
    File Under: tech
    February 24, 2005

  268. Nader Spoils Iraqi Elections
    File Under: tech
    February 17, 2005

  269. Save Our Irony
    description: A drive to save this precious resource
    File Under: life
    December 20, 2004

  270. Democratic Strategy For Victory, 2008
    description: The piece that started it all
    File Under: politics
    November 10, 2004

  271. Captain Freedom - Original LiveWire Show
    description: The first performance of Captain Freedom at the Aladdin Theater, Portland OR
    File Under: events, media
    November 8, 2004

  272. Petrarch's Secret Crush
    description: The Spamming of the Poet
    File Under: business
    May 15, 2004

  273. An Interview with a Legal Pot Farmer
    description: What I learned in Colorado
    File Under: life, business, politics
    April 21, 2004

  274. Dominican Hand Jive
    description: The Practice of Fake Medicine
    File Under: life, business, politics
    June 24, 2002

  275. Chronicle of A Death in Venice
    description: Originally printed in Lynx Eye magazine
    File Under: life, business, politics
    June 1, 2002

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Stuff You Buy.

G is for Gangsta (comedy album)


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