Although Barack Obama, being only a millionaire, is clearly not quite as committed to capitalism as multi-multi-100-times-infinity millionaire Thurston Howell John Sidney McCain III, there have been many claims that a vote for Democrats is equal to a vote with Socialism. But is it really? Today we'll find out how the Democrats and Socialists are exactly, frighteningly alike.
Commitment to worldwide Socialism
Democratic Presidents have shown their support for communism and socialism by fighting Communists in North Korea (Truman) and Vietnam (Kennedy, LBJ).
Joe The Plumber
If the Democrats take over Joe the Plumber might have to pay extra taxes, if he ever buys his own business (and actually remembers to pay his back taxes).
In North Korea Joe the Plumber would have been thrown into prison for asking a question that contradicted the party line, lost the plumbing license he didn't have in the first place and labeled a subversive forever.
Wall Street
Democrats receive large donations from socialist Wall Street, which, as everyone knows, is full of bankers, traders and investors who are committed to overthrowing capitalism and ushering in the Dictatorship of the Proletariat. The proletariat, of course, being an Italian luxury car.
Health Care
Democrats believe in "national health care", meaning that everyone could be covered, even using private doctors and hospitals, just as socialists believe that everyone should be covered, but can only go to public hospitals with underpaid physicians where you have to wait six months to get your gangrenous leg sawed off.
Centralized Economy
Democrats support of NAFTA, in which goods and services move freely between the US, Canada and Mexico, EXACTLY as the Soviet Union created centralized factories so they could overproduce items like unusable sunglasses and giant nails.
Jailing Prisoners Without Trials
Prisons in Cuba are filled with dissidents who have no rights to a fair trial. As is Guantanamo Bay, an American prison in Cuba filled with people who aren't allowed to have a trial. No wait, that's the Republicans.